My blog has been edited and revised.
Why? because what seems like forever ago I shared a link that I though might help someone, not knowing later on it would not help me.
Early on in my blog I mentioned a service provider. Positively I must add. I thought sharing the link to them might help others find them. Later on however I did not have a positive experience with them. I blogged about it. I never mentioned personal names, nor did I name or tag the service provider in the posts where I talked about my negative experience. In fact I clearly remember not doing this as it was never my intention to name and shame, I was merely sharing my experience in a situation. I had forgotten about the original post with the links.
But as things go, turns out people read my blog. People make connections, realise who/what I am talking about and then go and tell others I am saying offensive things.
It was never my intention for my blog to be linked to any person, organisation or service provider, and I do apologise if that is what happened.
My story still remains though. It is what happened, the good and the bad. I have tried my best to remove any descriptors that link me to anyone, group, organisation, service provider, doctor, OB, midwife, family, friend or anything else I may have discussed or give a name to any of them either. I did take out Charlotte’s name, but then I put it back in. One of the most sacred things for a bereaved mother is her child’s name, so I won’t have that taken. I have removed any links to other organisations, groups, etc. I have set certain posts to private. What I can’t change is others sharing this blog and telling people who wrote it. If you share my blog and identify me as the author you should ask yourself what is your true intent?
This is my story, it is about me. My first year of grief, trying to get through a subsequent pregnancy and the struggle of being a not first time Mum. It’s not always a pretty picture with a profound quote. It’s messy and disjointed. It’s sad and angry. It’s hopeful and funny. It’s boring and pointless. It’s my heart and fears laid bare. It’s a brave face. It’s me trying to make sense of what I was feeling. It is not, nor was ever meant to be about anyone else.
Truth be told, the post with the most hits is the one I did about a green vegetable juice I made and the most common search terms are ‘effects of mean green juice’ because yes that juice gives you gas. Truly it is. I randomly clicked through some day stats, consistently green juice is of interest.
This year I have had a whopping 13 visitors to my blog. 11 of which came from a Pinterest link to the mean green juice. 1 from a search for stillbirth and 1 from a search for the concerned in question and this person did not go further than the home page. This means only one person has done a simple search that was of concern. I did check my stats as I was concerned. Turns out my reach in influencing the reputation of anyone is not very far and I have some readers who know me that are just trying to stir up trouble.
Would I write my story differently now? Yes and no. The heat is taken out of many situations. Reading back through my blog some things I forgot about, others I am surprised at how angry I was, sometimes I’m embarrassed and then others it is still upsetting to read about. I don’t have the anger anymore, but this is the story as it happened, it’s not a calm reflection looking back.
From time to time, I get an email from someone who shares their story and thanks me for being honest about how I felt through that time. So my blog stays.
Lesson learned though, it is a small world after all.